by Jeff Martens
We at Inner Vision Yoga are always striving to remain on the cutting edge for offering you the very best in yoga products and practice aids. We think you will be as pleasantly surprised with these NEW products as we are…
NEW! Yo’diaper Yoga Diapers
Has this ever happened to you? You are flowing through your perfect yoga pose looking great for the first time in two weeks and suddenly you feel the call of nature. Well now you don’t have to leave the room to answer that number! Introducing Yo’diaper – the ultimate practice enhancer. Drank too much water? The single bathroom being used before class? No problem! Pull on Yo’diaper, fasten the velcro side panels and you are quite literally good to go! Two great styles to choose from:
model # 111, modified thong, leopard print design
model #222, granny fanny panties, gray ultra-sheen
(not available in men’s sizes to avoid abusive overuse.)
LIP Lip Plumper
LIP (Lovely In Poses) Knows you want to look great in yoga class but clothing and accessories can only take you so far. Since the recent discovery that BoTox injections leave toxic residue in your brainstem, many yoga practitioners have been looking for alternative ways to plump those pursers and smooth out those nasty brow lines. LIP is made with an extremely powerful, natural organic desert irritant specially chosen to bring a natural swelling to lips, forehead and any other area you choose to apply (Please do not use LIP if you are allergic to live desert-bark scorpions.)
I-C-U Mirrored Toenail Polish from Peekaboo
Care for your appearance intensively with I-C-U mirrored toenail polish. Not silver or gray, this product hardens into a crystal-smooth, fully functional reflective mirrored surface. Now you can compare your pose to your neighbors’ as easy as raising a big toe. And just imagine the satisfaction you will get seeing 10 scowling faces glaring back at you when you are in paschimottanasana! Get noticed and let your practice shine.
JAI pre-recorded pranayama buds
Talk about a control freak! You’ve been holding the pose in perfect alignment (exactly as instructed) for what seems like 10 years and the teacher now has the gall to make you breathe deeper. Plus practicing yoga asanas is hard enough without the fertile field of flowery perfumery emanating from your doesn’t-know-any-better newbie neighbor. Well we’ve combined these two problems into one solution! ‘JAI’ rechargeable panayama buds slip into each nostril to play the sound of deep nasal breathing without the troublesome detail of you having to make any actual effort. The steady, pre-recorded inhale and exhale remains the same whether you are in a difficult or easy pose so that teacher will move on to persecute your newbie neighbor and leave you blissfully alone in an unscented world. (Requires two “D” cell batteries, includes adaptor to play your favorite MP3 music. Not for use with the Yo’diaper.)
‘Yo’Sweat’ for Men
In a busy class, the yoga teacher probably sees you maybe 10% of the time. That leaves a full 75 minutes to goof off or just plain rest. But going home you want that significant other to know you worked out, otherwise next time you’ll have to stay home and watch the kids/clean the garage or even cuddle. That’s why you need Yo’Sweat! Collected from the floors of some of the busiest heated yoga studios in the country, Yo’Sweat will make you smell like an authentic yoga winner! Apply as a roll-on to forehead, armpits and groin and your significant other will give you a free pass for the rest of the afternoon (and perhaps a lifetime!) Yo’Sweat is not responsible for you having to sleep on the couch or the premature death of pets or houseplants.
For more inspiring yoga essays by Jeff and others click here…
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